Did you check out the Conflict Styles Assessment from part 1 of this series? It is interesting to stand back and observe our own patterns. How it has benefited us at times? When has it worked against us?
In step two, also outlined in part 1, we begin to take our observations and lean into different styles for different situations.
Step 3: Using Different Conflict Styles
I like to think of the conflict styles as a set of tools in the toolbox. If I notice one less productive conflict style rising to the surface, I will work on shifting the conflict style to one of the below.
Cooling the Meeting Down
For example, a meeting discussion is getting a big heated, and you can tell that it is one person’s opinion against another. We are going to have a winner and a loser, and in this situation, no one wins! It may be time to hit pause (this is a temporary, but healthy avoiding tactic) to let emotions subside and revisit this topic later.
Creating Healthy Discussions
Likewise, you are in a meeting where everyone is nodding their heads in agreement and not expressing their opinion about a topic they should have opinions about. With this situation, you need to draw out different perspectives. You can do this by:
- Letting people know their perspective is important
- Going around the room asking for perspectives.
- Ask pointed questions about the effect of the decision on their department.
When the Meeting is… Just Quiet
If all else fails and it is still crickets or just one to two opinions, you may have avoiders in the group. Talk with them one-on-one to get their perspective, validate their perspective, and encourage them to speak up.
Up Next
Part 3 on this topic will include deeper work that may be necessary for meetings with healthy discussion and conflict. Until then, check out the book below.
Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High by Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, and Ron McMillan. Focused on the workplace, it goes into greater detail on the tools described above in an engaging and witty style. Get tips for being persuasive rather than abrasive, returning to productive dialogue when others blow up or clam up, and other skills for excelling at high-stakes conversations, no matter the topic or person.
